One _____ at a Time: 53 Miles per Burrito and My Two Moms

Let's talk about yields-- squeezing a buffulo out of a nickel, blood out of a turnip, or milk out of grass. Wait...what? That's right-- getting something from "nothing". But first, let's talk about getting nothing from everything.

Nothing from Everything
It takes a cow in Ohio about 2 hours of "work" to eat 9 lbs of dry grass. Then, through the magic of metabolism in a four-chambered gut, 1 gallon of non-chocolate milk can come vaccumed out of her wriggly teat, ready to drink, if you're a raw milk drinker. My lovely biological mom, Mother #1 (God bless her), loves the stuff.

Assuming her 20 mile round trip to pick up one gallon of raw milk takes place in an average two ton car, getting 20 miles per gallon, she probably pays less for the gas than she does for the milk even though the oil is pumped from miles beneath the earth/ocean, refined, and possibly shipped from a combat zone half-way around the world. (Only 7% of oil comes from a "free" country, says Freedom House).

It took about 200,000 lbs of ancient plants and millions of years of horrible conversion rates and geologic abracadabra to get just 1 gallon of oil. That's equivalent to 40 acres of harvested wheat, roots, and stalks to drive just one 20 mile round-trip to the milk co-op. 98 tons of plants per gallon! It isn't exactly nothing from everything, but it's pretty close.

Something from Nothing
My wife's lovely burrito-loving mother, Mother #2, gifted me the sticker version of the famous T-shirt below. By now you've probably seen the "53 Miles per Burrito" T-shirt (or the back of one) worn by cycling-enthusiasts.

Have you ever asked yourself, What does it all mean?

For the sake of peer review, here are some of my own rough calculations:
If I ride my bike 20 miles/hour, I burn about 10 calories/minute. That comes to 1 mile/30 cal.
(By "calorie", we're talking food calories which are technically kilocalories.) I've looked up the nutrition information for the the veggie burrito bowl I typically order at Chipotle and it comes to ~600 calories, depending on the heftiness of that guacamole scoop, which I hope is quite hefty. So the mileage I would get out of my $6.25 burrito bowl is about 20 miles' worth. That's almost the price of two gallons of gas. Worth it? You bet! When you consider the benefits and enjoyment of riding the bike you don't even need to factor in all the externalized costs of oil (i.e. environmental degradation, war, sickness, traffic jams) that don't get paid at the pump.

Of course, one could go farther than 20 miles on one burrito if they were to ride slower than 20 miles/hr. This is because of the force of wind resistance quadruples even if speed merely doubles. Furthermore, most people's non-Taco-Bellian burritos are quite a bit bulkier than mine-- overflowing with the calorie-dense extras that I don't get-- meat, cheese, and sour cream. When the burritos get in the 1000 calorie range, then you have no choice but to ride quite a bit slower than 20 mph, thus improving your efficiency. So, 53 mpg is realistic...depending on fitness level, body shape, bycicle type, weight, etc, etc, etc, etc.

Fun food math
Big ass burrito: $6.95 for 1000 calories = 153 cal/$.
Big Hamburger at McWhatshisname's: $3.79 for 540 calories = 142 cal/$.
8 banana smoothie (2 lbs): $1.00 for 800 calories = 800 cal/$.
3 cantaloupe smoothie: $6.00 for 900 calories = 150 cal/$

Not only does the banana win the calorie per $ value meal championship, but even when shipped by fossil fuel-powered boat, it's carbon footprint is still tiny compared to almost all foods, except maybe the dandelion greens from my back yard.